


Like a Good Neighbor

by starrynightdreams



Category: Dead by Daylight (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Jed from State Farm au, Mentions of Murder, Please Do Not Take This Seriously, insurance policies, not edited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:55:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27338296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrynightdreams/pseuds/starrynightdreams
Summary: “Jed from State Farm at 3 in the morning.” He could hear muffled noises from their end and suddenly the woman’s voice was right in his ear demanding, “Who is this?”“This is-““Jed. From State Farm.” Danny almost growled at being cut off for a third time.“What are you wearing, Jed from State Farm?” He could almost imagine some faceless woman throwing up quotation marks as she said his name before it hit him what she was asking.
Comments: 17
Kudos: 38





	Like a Good Neighbor

**Author's Note:**

> This...started off as a joke in the dead by baelight discord server and it got out of hand LOL anyways please enjoy our baby Jed from State Farm.
> 
> Also this is not edited nor is this taken seriously so I’m genuinely sorry. I also have no idea how any of this shit works I still live at home like the disappointing college grad that I am

“-And that’s our policy concerning bundling your auto and home insurance Mr. Fairfield,” Danny spoke into the mic of his headset, fighting back a yawn as he shot a look at the time on his computer screen. 

_3:13 A.M._

_Why_ in the world someone was calling this late at night was beyond him and he was hating every damn second of their conversation as the client went on and on about how great it would be to save more money. 

“Now I do have a few questions for you, sir,” Danny droned on, moving his mouse around and clicking on a few links as he pulls up Mr. Fairfield’s profile. “First off: Are you married?” 

_“Yeah I’m married, does it matter?”_

Danny rolled his eyes, irritation setting in as he double checked his marital status. 

“It’s to ensure that your spouse receives the same benefits as you do.” 

_“You’d do that for me?”_ He had to. 

“Of course Mr. Fairfield,” he forced a smile on his face and hoped his fake enthusiasm shined through over the phone. 

“ _Really?_ ” 

Danny faked a chuckle as he reassured his client with a simple, “yes, sir.” 

_“Yeah I’d like that,”_ he could hear the excitement in his client’s voice and wished at that moment that he could strangle the man and choke the life out of him. No one should sound that happy at 3 in the fucking morning about _insurance_ . Hell, even as ‘Jed’ he was never that excited about _selling_ insurance and he had the best numbers in the office. 

Danny took a deep breath and was about to keep firing off more questions when a sharp, female voice in the background of their call cut him off. 

_“Who are you talking to?”_

_“Uh, it’s Jed, from State Farm,”_ he heard Mr. Fairfield say before redirecting his attention back to ‘Jed.’ _“That sounds like a really good deal.”_

“We-“ the same sharp voice cut him off _again_ and Danny could feel his patience waning. 

_“Jed from State Farm at 3 in the morning.”_ He could hear muffled noises from their end and suddenly the woman’s voice was right in his ear demanding, _“Who is this?”_

“This is-“

_“Jed. From State Farm.”_ Danny almost growled at being cut off for a third time. 

_“What are you wearing,_ **_Jed from State Farm_ ** _?”_ He could almost imagine some faceless woman throwing up quotation marks as she said his name before it hit him what she was asking. 

What was she- 

_What?_

“Uh,” Danny paused to compose himself, biting his lip so he doesn’t accidentally laugh at a _very pissed off_ client. “Khakis?” 

He could hear the phone move and the wife’s voice came out as a muffled, _“She sounds hideous.”_

_“Well she’s a guy so…”_

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, and Danny wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or tell the stupid bitch off for thinking that her husband was _cheating_ on her - although from the way she yelling and berating him, he wouldn’t blame Mr. Fairfield in the slightest if he actually was. 

Unfortunately he couldn’t do either considering the call was being recorded and the last thing he needed was to be written up for sheer miscommunication on his client’s end. 

“Ma’am,” he decided to try and calm Mrs. Fairfield down, taking a quick look at her husband’s profile to find her name and pull up her own, only to realize she was _not_ in fact a Mrs. Fairfield, but a Ms. Thomas instead. 

_“I’m not talking to you,”_ Ms. Thomas snapped, and Danny could hear the sheer rage coming off of her in waves. 

“Then just listen please. I am indeed Jed Olsen from State Farm.” Why was he even defending himself at this point? It was clear she wouldn’t believe him _or_ her husband about the true nature of their phone call and yet...Danny felt somewhat offended that she thought he was an ugly girl. “Your husband just had a few questions about your car insurance and if it was possible to bundle it with your home insurance, something that would benefit and save money for the _both_ of you.” 

_“I can’t believe you’d do this to me, Dwight. Have these past four years meant nothing to you?”_

Danny had to flip his mic up and mute himself, covering his face with his hands and groaning into them as he knocked his glasses out of place. 

This was _not_ what he signed up for when he agreed to work the night shift for a couple weeks, nor did he think he’d have to actually take calls over night because _who the fuck would do such a thing_? 

The husband and wife were still arguing on the line and Danny had just enough of it, fixing his glasses back on the bridge of his nose and flipping his mic back down, composing himself before speaking firmly. 

“Ms. Thomas I am looking at your profile and it says here you’ve been a loyal customer for almost 6 years and yet you’re still paying the same rate that you did when you first joined.” If she wasn’t going to believe him then maybe hearing him out would do the trick. What better way to prove thyself than to actually _do your job?_

_“How do you-“_

“I don’t know who you’ve been talking to when you make your payments but I can assure you that I can take better care of you and your insurance than they can. I can offer you a discount that you should’ve received a couple years ago.” Anything to please the customer, right?

Ms. Thomas went silent and it was music to Danny’s ears. 

_“My god.”_ She sounded defeated and horrified as it finally settled on her what she had walked in on. _“You really are Jed from State Farm.”_

Danny cracked a real smile for the first time that night as he reveled in her embarrassment. 

“The one and only, ma’am.” 

_God_ did he hope the call was _actually_ being recorded. Corporate could get a good laugh at his expense for dealing with such idiotic clients that maybe he’d get a pity raise. Or maybe just better hours at the very least. 

He heard more shuffling and muffled words that he couldn’t make out before the deep tenor of Mr. Fairfield apologized to him for the interruption. 

“There’s no need to apologize, sir.” 

_“Honestly I don’t know why she thinks I’d ever cheat on her. Either way, you said you had more questions for me?”_

Right. His job. 

“Of course Mr. Fairfield. Give me one sec,” he offered as he switched back to his profile. “Looking at your home address, do you still live at 3987 MacMillian Drive?” 

_“Oh yeah.”_

“Alrighty. Uhh let’s see here.” He scrolled down his profile, looking for any more conflicts before he could end the call. “Do you have any children sixteen or over?” 

_“Oh God no. No, we don’t even have children to begin with.”_ Interesting. 

_Very_ interesting. 

“Well then Mr. Fairfield, that is all the questions I have for you. Is there anything else you’d like to ask?” _Please don’t have anything else for me._

_“I think you’ve answered all my questions, Jed. Thank you.”_

Danny held back a sneer, taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes until he saw colors dancing about as he exchanged more pleasantries. 

“Any time Mr. Fairfield. Just remember: like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Have a good night, sir.” He had never hung up on a call so quickly before and threw off his headset before closing out of all his tabs. 

He didn’t care if he still had a couple hours left on his shift, he was leaving and his boss could shove it when he complained the next day. Danny was too riled up to continue working and he could feel how tense he was from the phone call alone, finger twitching as he wished for a throat to wrap them around. 

It’d been too long since he last killed someone and it was starting to get to him. He hadn’t even had a chance to find a new victim let alone stalk someone with his boss assigning him all these weird hours. 

Fuck. 

_3987 MacMillan Drive._

Danny paused as he gathered up his phone, wallet, and keys, Dwight Fairfield’s address ringing in his head. 

Maybe he didn’t have to look too far for his next victim. Maybe he could spend the rest of the night peering into the windows and learning their nightly patterns. 

His lips quirked up and he bared his teeth in a crooked smile as his mind wandered over to the hot head that was Ms. Thomas. Maybe he could get to know her and fuck with her a little before taking her life as well, but not before choking the life out of her husband. God, that would be fun to watch the light in his eyes fade away, along with watching him bleed out from all the stab wounds he’d inflict on him. 

...Maybe taking that phone call wasn’t such a bad thing after all. He boosted his numbers _and_ found a new victim, and Danny couldn’t _wait_ to get to know them better. 

Like a good neighbor, State Farm was there, and so was Ghost Face.


End file.
